Clarice M. Starling
Moved to Alameda Back in ‘76
Got marooned but didn’t mind
Dropped anchor and slipped on a ring
Rugrats chewing up my rope
Boat floated off, never came back
They grow up quick and then they’re gone
Birthday calls right before sleep
Took the badge off in ‘95
Take the Mustang out for a spin down the strip
Rev up the engine for the gals
A nice cold Rheingold on a hot summer night
Waves carrying me away
Grounds for a Whoopin’ in San Francisco (2014 Edition)
It comes as no surprise that certain articles of clothing and accessories will guarantee a whoopin’ in modern day San Francisco. For those fresh off the boat, below serves as a guide for what might be expected once setting foot on the holier-than-thou lands of don’t-call-it-Frisco.
North Face apparel - Graffitied upon while being worn
Crocks - Tenderloin battery acid will be poured directly on your well ventilated footsies
Rubberized “toe shoes” - Peeled off and thrown to the sharks underneath the Golden Gate Bridge
Ugg boots - Set ablaze faster than a discarded Christmas tree on Valencia Street
American Apparel hoodies - Hood strings drawn taut with nautical knots unheard of since 1835
Fedora of any shape or size - Thrown into the Muni catenary wires in a blaze of redemptive glory
Trucker hat - Surprisingly, depending on the make and model, you still might be able to get away with this
Had a stash and it was young. Crosby never showed so it was still for the taking.
Boogalooed back to Berkeley in the dead of night.
Woke up down but shook it off.
Pushing packages down the coast.
Make my way down to Meh-he-coe and eat a taco.
I finally saw the legendary King of Van Ness. A sunburnt man in his 50’s, tattered army jacket, standing in the alley by the Masonic building. He...
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