Some counties contain a middle of nowhere
The Many Faces of DOT Calif.
My Charleston Chew is my morning starter. Once I take my first bite I know everything will be alright. My brain goes boom when I start chewing on my Charly. I am awake and alive. It’s more than a snack, that is for sure. It’s a jolt of truth and a treasure of freedom. My thoughts condense to scripted perfection once my Charleston Chew is eaten all up.
The Way I See It, by City Joe Barstool
No more Sunday free parking, can’t believe you gotta pay to pray. Bag fees, they need to wrap that up and toss it out the window. Healthy SF, ain’t healthy for my wallet that’s for sure. Bike lanes, but where’s my old bowling lane? Replaced with a wrecking ball and a crane. And that’s the way I see it.
The Gay Test (According to 11 Year Olds)
If you eat everything but the toast crusts
If you sing in the shower
If your baseball card gum gets cracked into a million pieces
If you see two shooting stars heading towards each other
If you walk in on a dog and a cat kissing
If you are the last person to fall asleep at the sleepover
If your two pinkies touch when peeling an orange
If your fly is open all day by accident twice in one week
If you try but can’t blow out a dandelion
If you touch a mailman’s hand by accident
My Bomber Jacket
Tonight is my big night and you know I’m going out on the town with my bomber jacket. Hand in pocket, the only way to fly. All the chicks say “hey” when I walk by. No one can resist my bomber jacket. I make an explosion when I enter Tommy’s Bar and Grill. People drop their daiquiris and stare, what can you do. You get lucky when you fly dangerously. That is how to impress. Don’t forget to pack your parachute, I keep mine right here in my sleeve pocket.
A Dabble a Day
Been dabbling since I was in diapers. Back then, milkshakes, honey mustard pretzels, whatever. Nowadays big rump mags, Japanese squid stuff, you know the drill. Where do I do my dabbling? Library mainly. Free to dabble on the people’s dollar. Dilly-dally on the web for hours. Like to walk around Andronico’s and nibble. Always something, every aisle. Loose chips and fresh dips, that’s alright.
Making My Whoopis Daily
My therapist likes to say a Whoopi a day keeps the doctor away. I go through a lot of pencils drawing my Whoopis but it is worth it. The favorite of all Whoopis is my Sister Act one. It is framed and invaluable. She is nearly an angel in that flick. Coming in close second is my Guinan Whoopi. She is always serving up the best advice. I never leave confused. Another good Whoopi is Beverly Hills Brats. She is always cruising around that town like she owns it. There’s basically no bad angle to make a Whoopi. Do it daily and you are set for life.
Donnie the Dodo
They always called me Donnie the Dodo growing up. I like to take my sweet time with things, that’s just me. Now I’m doing just fine, thank you very much. I took a course at the J.C. in genes, not the type on your pants haha. The type we are made of. Once you get in the lab it is confusing at first. Real confusing. When I learn the ropes, I never forget them. It might take a bit but once I’ve got it I’ve got it. So I figured why don’t I try to bring back the dodo if I’m such a dodo. Well, I did it, you probably heard about it. My farm is the biggest in the world. My eggs are top notch and my steaks are delectable. Who is the dodo now?
My Pepper Packets
I never leave home without my pepper packets. My pocket is where I keep my packets. My spice of life is my pepper packet. There’s always a pocket for pepper packets in my jacket. My spicy egg salad sandwich packs a punch. It is my favorite delicious lunch.
Took a time machine to Carpet City
1975, Anno Domini
Rugs weren’t regulated, left to be
Suites my situation, free and easy
Shampoo it frequently, keep it shining
Occasionally, some fine dining
When the music started, people cut a rug real good
Peel it off and there’s no hard wood
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